PERSIFLAGE

August 21st, 2008

A man found shot dead in a dumpster in Skokie was identified as Glen Edward Johnson, a man suspected in several hotel burglaries in the village.

The Skokie Review (July 7/1986)

PERSIFLAGE
is updated on Thursdays.

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For rent: semi-funny weekly updated website. One million dollars a year OBO. Box 1.
Don't forget this weekend is National Poke a Squirrel Day! If you can catch one of the little buggers give him a friendly jab! August 24th.
For sale: one classified ad on the website Persiflage. To run the week of August 21st. $6. Box 13.
Personal Ads:
I am a special guy. If you are a special girl with a love of being special and all that entails and you also have no problem footing the bill for outings then contact me at Box 208.

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persiflagemag@hotmail.com

Dear Persiflage

Well readers, it's that time again. Time to open up the old mail bag and see what falls out on the floor and isn't eaten by the cat.
This week we present a small sampling of our mail from the last month. We're not sorry if your letter wasn't printed. It wasn't because of space considerations. We just didn't want to.

Dear Persiflage,
For several years now I have been collecting string. I am approaching 65 and yet I still do not have enough for a reasonable sized ball. What should I do?

Signed,
Ball-less

Dear M. Sans-Orb,
A lot of people when they begin collecting string limit themselves to actual string. This is a mistake. By including yarn, thread, twist ties, extension cords, rake handles and gloves in your collection you will find that, ineluctably, your balls will increase in size. If that's what you want. Personally I would recommend spending your time a little more wisely.

HB

Dear Persiflage,
I am a tallish man with a limp.

Signed,
Tallish Man With a Limp

Dear TWLM
Caspar, Wyoming. But thank you for your interest.

HB

Leo

Once upon a time there was a lion with the unlikely name of Leo.

See what's funny here is that Leo is a fairly traditional name for a lion.

Leo was a ovo-lacto vegetarian.

Lions are, of course, carnivores and ovo-lacto is just a funny thing to write.

Leo lived in a small room on the third floor of a house in the Wolseley area. Everyday he would sit by his window smoking Pall Malls and musing on the state of the universe.

Wow, I don't know where to start here. A lion would never rent a room in a house. Lions love to own property. And Wolseley? I don't think so.

Sometimes Leo would go to the zoo and hang around by the antelope enclosure. He knew it was cruel but he did it anyway.

The author is counting on your forgetting that Leo was an ovo-lacto vegetarian (see - it is funny to write). But there could be a joke here that swings on the non-existent threat of Leo. Or something. Maybe this is a subtle dig at antelopes. I'm not sure. I think this bit might be over my head.

One day a man in a khaki leisure suit and a pith helmet walked into Leo's room, pulled out a revolver and shot him.

There are actually two things going on here: 1) there is no such thing as a pith helmet and b) pulled out a revolver from where? - IT'S NEVER STATED!

Leo had been wearing the man's pajamas.

This is the old joke about shooting an elephant in your pajamas. Although in this case it's a lion. Which is funnier.

C.F. Maynard

probably not the author's real name