December 9th, 2010
Good King Wenceslas, Lookout!
Traditional Christmas Warning
Classifieds
Gift Certificates. Hundreds available in donations from $5 to $175. Sadly they are all for businesses that no longer exist. Box 11.
I need someone to housesit for me when I go away for Christmas. I will be away from 11:30AM on December the 25th until just after 7PM that same day. Must be good with plants and pets. I don't have any but I think those things are an indication of character. $7 for the day. Also you can help yourself to anything I leave on the left hand side of the kitchen counter between the sink and the flour container. Box 0.
The Mystery of the Lost Lenore
Listen to Part Eighty-Five
Click on the picture. (2:35)
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Christmas Tip #2
Feet make great stocking stuffers.
You can email us and ask about something if you wanna.
persiflagemag@hotmail.com
Super Helpful Christmas Gift Ideas
Socks
Pretty much everybody has feet and those who don't almost invariably love sock puppets. You can't go wrong with the gift of socks.
Ties
These useful items don't have to be a fashion accesory. People into mild bondage use them as do people without belts. They can be used as a leash for pets or for dealing with the post Holiday blues. Anothe sure fire winner.
Peanuts
A great snack anytime and lots of people know someone with a peanut allergy that they don't much like. Score!
Sweaters
Having one of these folks around makes you look fit and also dapper. Their moist clothing makes yours look neat and pressed by comparison. Also they tend to warm up a room.
Skis
Even if the person you give these to doesn't ski they will appreciate your vote of confidence in their athletic abilities. Cross country skies are cheaper but downhill more stylin'.
Bath Products
Merely by cleaning your tub and scooping the results into a baggie you can provide someone in your life with a very personal gift. Nothing says you are very close to me more than soap caked with hair.
Fruit Cake
We all know that life on this planet is coming to a close. Soon the world will be filled with radioactive zombies and such like. Who doesn't need a snack that will withstand a direct nuclear blast?
The staff of Persiflage
Simone
Part (whatever the hell part this is)
As Simone rode back to the bus garage that night after her visit to the park she wondered what to make of what she had learned. Then it all started to make sense. Well, a sort of sense anyway.
Simone realised that the publication that she had been working on in Mr. Turble's printshop was, in fact, a sort of "How To" for any badger who wanted to become, or even just pass him or herself of as, a squirrel. This, she now understood, was what was infuriating the squirrels. Chester the former squirrel or Mr. Turble the now badger was not just about to reveal all their secrets but he was going to enable anyone with the price of a handbook to become one of them.
The squirrels were probably worried that suddenly there would be a bunch of badgers and stoats and lemmings and god knows what else wanting to be squirrels. They would hate the idea of the badgers or lemmings or ferrets or whatever climbing their trees, running along their telephone wires, and grabbing their nuts. It would be highly offensive to them if other species would try and horn in on their turf.
Simone, although she generally liked the squirrels, knew that not only could they be tremendously xenophobic but that they also had fairly inflated ideas concerning the appeal of being a squirrel. She did not think that there would be a whole lot of other animals lining up in order to become one but she thought the squirrels would probably think so.
In fact, Simone was a little bit worried. She didn't think very many animals at all would be interested in such a book. And if Mr. Turble's business relied on sales of this squirrel handbook Simone strongly suspected she would soon be out of a job. The squirrels might think that the entire animal kingdom longed to be like them but Simone had serious doubts.
And besides something about this hypothesis did not sit right with Simone. Why would Mr. Turble, who had clearly chosen NOT to be a squirrel, enter into an enterprise geared towards turning other animals into squirrels? That didn't make any sense at all. She resolved to speak to him about it tomorrow morning. Maybe she could get the goods straight from the badger's mouth.
...next week - the exciting conclusion