The Very Last

December 27, 2007

There's nothing wrong with running from elephants.

Van Tien Dung

PERSIFLAGE is updated on Thursdays.

Classifieds

For Sale: copies of my MA thesis entitled: "Bruce Springsteen's Role in the Decline in Window and Door Manufacturing Jobs in the Pacific Northwest During the Reagan Years" $2 OBO Box 1980.
For rent: copies of my high school graduation photo. $2/day. Box 55.
Love cheddar? Why not join the Cheddar Club? We meet every second Wednesday in the Paddlewheel Restaurant to discuss cheddar. Join us. No mice allowed as we hate them to pieces.

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Two Thousand and Seven, a Year

Last year at this time PERSIFLAGE presented an article entitled: "Tips For 2007; Rectifying some of your bigger mistakes from 2006". This, surprisingly, while not a big hit was incredibly easy to write. In that spirit we here present a look back at how well you did last year.

1) You may not have ordered any more Special Edition "Tomkat" Commemorative Wedding Plates from the Franklin Mint but you did buy a tee shirt with Gary Coleman's picture on it. There is not even kitsch value to this. -2 points.

2) You successfully made it through last winter and a few weeks of this one without licking any metal outside. Kudos to you. + 3 points.

3) You curtailed your excessive consumption of cookies but replaced it with cake. 0 points.

4) You failed completely in your attempt to stop "rockin' out" to the Weather Channel. This year I mean it. Stop. -1 point.

5) When I said that collecting empties was not considered an RSP, I did not mean that you should stop. - 1 point.

6) Your clothing choices (aside from the Coleman tee shirt) this year have been better. + 2 points.

7) No one has ever, in the History of Civilisation, lived up to "just one more..." Still true. 0 points.

8) While you did not relate the entirety of an episode of a television program to another individual, you did grossly exceed the number of Simmpsons references allowable in a conversation on several occasions. -3 points and read a book for God's sake.

9) Those pants STILL do not go with that shirt. - 1 point.

10) Buying a Flowbee was a wise move. +5 points.

11) I should have said "Don't follow medical advice you get on ANY bus." My bad. 0 points.

Congratulations. Your total score is 2 points. This makes you kind of a loser but that can't possibly be news. Don't feel bad. Look around. See anybody doing better?

Have a great 2008!

The Little Engine That Failed Miserably

Once upon a time there was a little engine named Mr X who was very much weaker and smaller than the other engines. Mr X was only capable of hauling one or two freight cars up a hill at a time and then only if they weren't really full.

One day the stationmaster, Mr Stationmaster, came to Mr X and said "How would you feel about hauling ten grain cars to Victoria today?" Mr X replied "I think I can, I think I can."

But he couldn't and as a result there was a severe bread shortage on Vancouver Island last year.

General Van Tien Dung says:

Whenever I solve some thorny problem, or receive some news of outstanding conquest...

I enjoy a smoke.