February 24th, 2011
Anyone who isn't confused really doesn't understand the situation.
Edward R. Murrow
Classifieds
For sale: a complete set of flannel pajamas. Only missing the top and bottoms. $45 OBO. Box 1195.
For rent: hair cutting kit. Consists of scissors, an apron, electric clippers, thinning shears, various combs, a duster etc. also a tiny little man who gives really good advice about what hairstyle will suit you and also if you missed any hairs on the back of your neck. It all fits in a regualr sized shoe box (once you take the shoes out). Box 30.
The Mystery of the Lost Lenore
Listen to Part Ninety-Four
Click on the picture. (2:32)
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NEWS
New Emoticons Unveiled
The National Centre for Emoticon Development in Ottawa held a press conference this week in which three new emoticons were unveiled. "Disputatious", "somewhat pleased" and "gassy" are all brand new although they have been in limited use as prototypes for the last year and a half.
Each new emoticon is subject to a extended period of in-house testing before the long prototype phase to ensure durability, reliability and legibility. All three of these emoticons passed with flying colours but there are rumours that a fourth emoticon which may have represented "barely supressed rage" did not survive the second phase of testing.
W. O. Mitchell Banned
The books of W. O. Mitchell have been banned from the schools in Saskatchewan. A spokesman from the Ministry of Education said that it was because it has now been proven that you can see the wind.
"I saw it this morning on the Weather Channel." said Mert Coverley, a tall man in shirtsleeves. "It was out of the north at 37k per." He then added: "As educators we just can't be party to something that runs against scientific truth." A committee from the ministry is also looking into Farley Mowat's And No Birds Sang.
Election Announcement
Sandra Ablutter has announced that from this point on she will no longer be voting Conservative in any Federal Election.
Ms. Ablutter, a smallish woman with auburn hair, said that she would probably still vote Conservative in the Provincial elections (she lives in Ontario), but she could no longer in good conscience support Stephen Harper.
When asked why she was removing her support from the Federal Tories, Ms. Ablutter suggested that reporters ask Mr. Harper. She then added rather ominously "He knows why."
HEALTH
Baking Soda: A Cure For Insomnia?
A recent study by the Arm and Hammer Institute for Sodium Bicarbonate Studies has reportedly shown that people who consumed a 1/2 tsp. of baking soda and a powerful sedative before turning in slept better than those who drank six or more cups of coffee instead.
A second study in which one half of the group was given a small glass of water with baking soda to place on their nightstand and the other half was given a small but fairly rabid raccoon was deemed inconclusive.
SPORTS
A Winning Streak
The Dunfield Badgers, of the Midwest Conference of the Senior Men's Shuttle Running League have extended their winning streak to 13 after a successful meet this last weekend.
Team Captain Harry "Big Slidey" Peters said that two things were key to their remarkable streak: the Badgers' relentless training in the off-season and the fact that there is only one other team in the conference.
The Hapsburg Emperors out of neighbouring Hapsburg, are perennial losers to Dunfield's agile old men but that may all change next year when Mike "Michael" Winterson, star of Hapsburg's unbeaten regular Men's team "The Happers" turns 65.
EVENTS
PERSIFLAGE:A Symposium
March 19, 2011
10am to 5 pm
#424-100 Arthur Street
With presentations on: The Potato: Its Role in Persiflage Fiction; A World of Weltanschaung; Panel Discussion: Hugh Briss: Regular Genius or Super-Genius; Aging Voices Program: Encouraging Writers in Their 40s and Beyond. Featuring: Mikel Magnusson.
Registration: $10.00 before the Ides of March $15.00 after. Space is limited.
Those still interested in participating should register at:
PLATFORM Centre, #121-100 Arthur Street, WPG, MB (204) 942-8182 Tuesday - Saturday 12 to 5PM
A post symposium Cinq à Sept will be held at the aforementioned PLATFORM Centre.