PERSIFLAGE

January 17, 2008

Khvilishevsky ate cranberries and tried not to wince. He expected everybody to say: What strength of character! But nobody said anything.

Daniil Kharms

How horrible it must be to know that one is famous and to feel that one doesn't deserve it at all. I can imagine many such famous people. Isn't such fame like an incurable illness?

Robert Walser

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A new gallery devoted entirely to conceptual art may be opening in Winnipeg in February. Or it may not.
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Due to an underwhelming response The National Gallery is renewing its call for any works featuring Marvin the Mouse or any other well-known Canadian sock puppet for it's 2008 show "Famous Canadian Sock Puppets: 1946-1991, the Cold War Years". Works in any media will be given consideration.

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I Deserve

much more
than
Michael Bloomberg

Michael Bloomberg is worth 11 billion dollars.
Michael Bloomberg is giving 400 million dollars to charity this year.

I am worth 5000 dollars
I plan to give at least 47 dollars to charity this year.

I am a much greater philanthropist than Michael Bloomberg.

Michael Bloomberg may or may not run for President of the United States this year.
I am definitely running on the track more than twice this year.

I am twice the runner Michael Bloomberg is.

Michael Bloomberg worked for Salomon Brothers on Wall Street.
Michael Bloomberg was forced out of Salomon Brothers in a merger in 1981

I am allergic to salmon.

In 2001 the prestigious School of Hygiene and Public Health at Johns Hopkins University was renamed the Bloomberg School of Public Health.

In 2001 nothing was named after me despite the fact that my personal hygiene was really fairly good that year.

Michael Bloomberg was the subject of 1200 word article in the New Yorker last week.
I was not mentioned in the New Yorker last week.

This is not fair.

I deserve more.

Dunny Bradstreet

A Winter Poem

                      I know
                      it is cold
                      (again today)
                      but socks
                      in bed
                      are still
                      not so much

                                     hot.

Sally Kind

The Tallish King

Once upon a time there was a great kingdom. Well, it wasn't really all that great. It was, in point of fact, rather small and, truth be told, a tad dingy. But it was ruled by an actual king so it was an actual kingdom and not a duchy or barony or even a principality.

The king was a tall fellow, five tenish, maybe even five eleven which, while maybe not all that tall by today's standards, was pretty tall for that time and that kingdom. Not freakishly tall mind you but tall enought to elicit mild comment.

The king's name was Wilfred, which had also been his father's name so he was usually called Wilfred the Second or sometimes Wilfred the Short (his father had been over six feet tall).

Wilfred the Short was married to a queen and her name was Winifred which sometimes led to confusion when people were introduced to them. Often they had to repeat their names for people which they did good-naturedly as they realized that it could be a bit confusing.

Perhaps to spare their offspring this mild trouble they named their children Jane and Bill (or William) which was probably a good idea.

The End

C.F.Maynard