For Sale

For sale: one barely used birthday suit. Only worn on birthdays and a little around the edges. Pictures (in charcoal) available upon request. Price negotiable. Box 1a.

For sale: one classified ad. Previously used to advertise a classified ad. Priced to move. $3. Box 425.

For sale: boxed set of CDs - selected works of Harold Faltermeyer including the complete score of Fletch. 13$ OBO. Box 18.

Muffin tins. Extra large. Each cup is just over three feet (1metre) in diameter. $450 OBO. Box 382.

Brand new 1978 AMC Pacer. Somehow overlooked it has been sitting on our lot for 30+ years. Some dust. Box 741.

Rare books. Fairly under cooked accounting ledgers. Over forty still available. $4 ea. Box 11.

Limited time only: Authentic Tupper Wear. Hats, coats and a mitt once worn by Charles Tupper (not the former Prime Minister and Father of Confederation but the Charles Tupper who used to live downstairs from me). Great Prices!!! Box 1867.

For sale: priceless collection of price tags. Some dating back to last year! Mostly paper some card stock or cardboard. Various sizes and prices. Inquire about list. Box 3980.

Rentals

Large cabin located next to a small lake. Actually more of a pond. Cabin sort of moderate sized really. Okay, it's a shed next to a puddle. Nice though. Sort of. 4$/day. Box 11.

Peanut Brittle Machine. Great for gala events or fundraisers. All clear plastic construction. Watch the brittle being made! $100/day. Box 219.

Unicycles Converted bicycles for rent as unicycles. Should have exceptional balance. $4/hour. Box 90.

Employment

Now Hiring! I am an eccentric thousandaire who is looking to start his own private army a la the villains in James Bond films. If you like wearing coveralls and a baseball hat, can handle a weapon and don't mind minimum wage this may be the job for you. Box 007b.

June Job Fair at the Winnipeg Convention Centre. Featuring exciting rides, games with great prizes, cotton candy, tiny donuts, footlong hotdogs, a fabulous midway and an outside chance of employment.

Wanted: eager self-motivated individuals to start their own businesses and then hire me and my friends at really great wages. Box 30.

$$$$$$ We pay top dollars for deliveries!!!! Make extra cash delivering anvils and Bessemer converters. Larry's Heavy Delivery. Box 55576.

Training

Heloise's Fabulous Hostess School Learn how to be a hostess in only 4 weeks! We cover: meeting, greeting, AND seating! You will learn the ins and outs of menu placement and the many ways to signal wait staff. Also how to fend off the unwanted advances of your employer. Only $500!

Want to be better at math but have no desire to go back to school? Why not have the school come to you? I am Maribel the Math Coach. I will come to your home or business at your convenience and walk you through difficult math questions. Trouble figuring out the tip? Call me and I will come by and help you calculate it! Reasonable rates (trust me!). Sign up today! Box 3.14159265

Dead Languages School Est.2001 Specialising in: Assyro-Babylonian, Pali and Etruscan. Evenings, weekends and weekday spaces available. Box 180.

Travel

Uncle Gus's Discount Apartment of Travel, located in the Courts of St. James, has been providing discount travel since earlier this month. If you like going places for cheap why not look us up. I would try Google if I were you.

Bus Tickets. $2 ea. or 4 for $7.95 Some soiled. Box 7.

Trip to the Moon on Gossamer Wings. Just one of those things that are great fun. 700$ OBO. Box 3.

Housing

Tired of living near losers? If you would like to live next to urbane and sophisticated people you should rent an apartment in our building. We ensure the quality of our tenants by charging outrageous rents for tiny apartments. Our bachelor apartments START at 2000 dollars a month! Boy, that keeps out the crumb bums believe you me. We are so exclusive that I am not even going to reveal our name. Let's just say we're downtown somewheres and you can see the river pretty good from here. Nuff said?

Wanted: very large sandal or loafer to accomodate a sizeable family. I am a single mother who is looking to downsize but I have so many children I don't know what to do. Box 276.

Services

Garmet Electrical Services We specialize in plugging in appliances. Toasters, coffee makers, juicers, you get the idea. Call our hotline: 1-800-PLU-GINZ

Both Hands On Your Pipe Now Manitoba's only fully ambidextrous plumber has an office in Brandon. Give us a try. You won't be sorry.

My name is Becqui.I am 13 years old and I specialize in babysitting kids with unusually spelled names. If your child is a Shealah or Jorden, Khris or Genepher give me a call. I promise not to mock them. Only $35/hour plus expenses. Box 187.

Personal Ads

Single Gentleman with a love of trombones (the instrument) and Meso-American Folklore seeks companionable sort for jam sessions and bull sessions and who knows what else? Box 334.

If you like having sex with someone other than yourself and are a consenting adult why not contact me? I am both of those things. Box 69.

I like videos of people being asked their birth date by someone (off camera) who speaks with a heavy German accent. If you have such a video, or are interested in making one, please contact me. I will pay you handsomely. Box 5.

Business Opportunities

Turnkey operation: ready to go factory making turnkeys. $180,000. 8 employees. Sales of over one million dollars last year! As soon as the cheque clears the key is yours. Owner moving to the Florida Keys. Box 17.

For sale: vending machines. Ideal for selling things that don't cost very much and that are small enough to fit in a vending machine. Takes all kinds of change.

Why not start some sort of business? Aren't you tired of working for other people? No, seriously. Start some sort of business. It'd be good. I think. Probably. What do I know?