November 12th, 2009
Being offended is the natural consequence of leaving one's home.
Fran Lebowitz
Classifieds
For sale: very small bowling alley. Fits into the apartment of my upstairs neighbours. I haven't seen it but I am sure it's nice as they use it all the time. I am willing to sell it for next to nothing. Box 90.
For sale: slide boxes. Assortment of colours. Ideal for holding, well, slides. $1 ea. OBO. Box 19.
Will trade my continuing sense of unease for an abiding calm, zen-like detachment or a licenced edition of Windows 7. Box 2.
Listen to Part Thirty-One of
The Mystery of the Lost Lenore
Click on the picture. (3:04)
Or start from the beginning.
persiflagemag@hotmail.com
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BEYOND GOOD AND EVIL:
A PERSIFLAGE PRIMER
How to Be a Nice Human Being
The key to being a nice human being is good grooming. If you look nice you will be nice. A comb run through your hair with sufficient care and a well-pressed pair of pants will go a long way towards making you a better person. Your clothes don't have to be expensive or chic (although that helps) but they do have to be clean and free from rips and tears. They must also fit properly. Hitler always wore hats that were too big for him and that really goes a long way towards explaining his problem. Attila the Hun, whom almost no one would describe as nice, never used conditioner and as a result his hair was always badly tangled. Small wonder he was such a pillager.
So there it is, the key to being nice. Clean mangeable hair and nice pressed clothing that fits. And shining your shoes wouldn't hurt.
The ABCs of Screwing Somebody Over
The key to really screwing someone over is trust. You're never going to get into a position to do really serious damage to someone's psyche unless they really trust you. The only way to get in a position to gain someone's trust is to appear presentable and respectable. How do you do that? Two words: good grooming. A comb run through your hair with sufficient care and a well-pressed pair of pants will go a long way towards making you a more respectable looking person. Your clothes don't have to be expensive or chic (although that helps) but they do have to be clean and free from rips and tears. They must also fit properly. Hitler always wore uniforms that fit him perfectly and that really went a long way towards explaining his success. Attila the Hun, whom almost everyone would describe as having done a tremendous amount of damage always wore nice little fur hats. Small wonder he was such a pillager.
So there it is, the key to screwing people over. Clean mangeable hair and nice pressed clothing that fits. And shining your shoes wouldn't hurt.
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THE TOP EIGHT THINGS TO REMEMBER WHEN CORNERED BY A BADGER
1) He is NOT more frightened of you than you are of him.
2) He will not be assuaged by stories of how much you loved "The Wind in the Willows".
3) Badgers are attracted to the scent of soiled underclothes.
4) Not only is he excited to see you but that is a revolver in his pocket
5) Nobody likes a sore loser, not even a badger.
6) NEVER participate in any leveraged buyout involving a badger no matter how much he pleads
7) Female badgers will become enraged if you come between them and Neil Young.
8) Badgers love a good muskrat joke.
The Art Opening
They stood there, the two of them, on the edge of gallery. He was leaning on the wall and she was re-wrapping a tiny napkin around her drippy plastic glass of wine.
"I never really understood my father" he said, not looking at her. She nodded and furrowed her brow a little which of course he didn't see but may have sensed.
She wondered to herself, where did she know him from?
Sally Kind
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