November 13th, 2008
PERSIFLAGE is updated on Thursdays.
Classifieds
For sale: one slightly used photograph of Peter Mansbridge. He is wearing a sweater. Not in the picture though. $4. Box 076.
For rent: an iron board. NOT an ironing board but a board ACTUALLY made out of iron. Not very useful really. $3/day. Box 19.
Will trade: one or two Fisherman's Friends (the lozenge) for a Hall's or Smith Brothers (not the lozenge). Box 39.
I am travelling to Cuba this year and I am looking for a fake beard, green fatigues and a cigar (plastic as I do not smoke). If you have these items please contact me. Box 1959.
Tips For Winter Living
Number One: The first part of winter is the adjustment phase. Get used to the colder temperatures by standing next to your fridge for ten minutes before you go outside.
Comments? Questions? Vitriol? Flattery? persiflagemag@hotmail.com
Not on our mailing list? Send us a message and ask to be added to it. We're pretty obliging about that sort of thing.
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Dear Persiflage
I recently visited our Nation's Capital and I found your guide to be of no use whatsoever. Mind you I live in Belgium.
Sincerely,
Hugo Mauws
Dear Mr Mauws
We are not planning a guide to Brussels anytime soon. You will have to create your own website and write your own guide. We can't do everything you know.
Sincerely,
Hugh Briss
P.S. Love the sprouts.
Dear Persiflage
I am an art historian who specializes in writing about painters of the Sarnia school post 9-11. Isn't that sad?
Sincerely,
Justine Taime
Dear JT,
I see nothing sad in that at all but I do wonder why you would write to us since we have never expressed even the slightest interest in your chosen subject.
HB
Dear Persiflage,
I recently attended a lecture entitled "How Technology Ruined Art". This lecture was widely [sic] advertised on your website and I believe the fellow who delivered it (whose name was Greg Jackson or something like that [close enough - Ed.]) is an associate of yours.
I could not have been more disappointed. The quality of the slides was abysmal, the seats were uncomfortable, Mr. Jackson was inadequately miked and the lecture was stupid. Also it was very short. I think a lecture on this subject no matter how superficial should last a minimum of an hour. Nothing of importance can be related in less than 60 minutes (not the television program).
Consequently I am hereby cancelling my subscription to PERSIFLAGE and throwing my computer out the window. So there.
Arthur Sneedon
Adjunct Professor of Things
Winkler Institute of Thinkology
Dear Professor Sneedon,
It is certainly your right to bin your computer if you so choose but we will not accept your cessation of your subscription. One of us will be by your office every Thursday to pitch a note through your window.
HB
P.S. The note will be attached to something heavyish like say, a rock or at least a small stone or a bag of gravel.
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Dear Persiflage,
In a previous issue of PERSIFLAGE (October 9th 2008) you mentioned the struggle at city hall to come up with a new motto for the City of Winnipeg. Might I suggest:
It's Got Buildings!
Sincerely,
Ronald Creesley
Dear Ronnie-poo,
Sadly that is already the motto of Los Angeles.
HB
Dear Persiflage
I have been clapping my hands for some time now and yet no one seems convinced that I believe in peanut butter. What should I do?
Mr. Literal
Dear Mr. Literal,
Stop.
HB
Dear Persiflage,
In 1972 I was a young girl full of hope for the future. Then, in August of that year, I was terribly thrown by a horse at a Girl Guide riding camp. He told me that there had been a break-in at the Watergate Hotel and certain individuals with ties to then President Nixon were implicated. Imagine my shock and horror. A talking horse! To this day I am unable to enjoy Mr. Ed or any of the Francis movies despite my unnatural love of Donald O'Connor. Can you help me?
Sincerely,
No Horse Sense Please
Dear NSHP (if that is your real name),
In short, no. But I will say this:
Over the years I have received many pieces of useful advice or information from unusual sources. I used to know a toaster (NOT a toaster/oven) who was quite the Renaissance scholar and it was thanks to him (or possibly her) that I was able to understand Burckhardt to say nothing of Cellini (although I just did). Take these things where you get em I say.
HB
Dear Persiflage
Last year you ran a series of tips for winter living. Are there any plans to resurrect that fantastically helpful feature?
Sincerely,
Mr Fake Correspondent
Dear Made Up Guy,
I'm so glad you asked. If you will glance over to your left (my right) you will see that the Tips For Winter Living have made a comeback. Now you will no longer be in doubt as to how to live your life for the next five and a half months.
Sincerelyish,
HB
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