Potatoes Cause Cancer

Jeannie Joletter, spokesmodel for the Potato Marketing Board, said today, while gesturing gracefully towards a pile of Yukon Golds, that it had been conclusively proven that potatoes cause cancer in other potatoes.

According to a recent study conducted by Dr. Erwin Tuber, noted potatologist at the Potatology Institute housed deep in the bowels of the University of Idaho, certain varieties of potato are causing cancer in certain other varieties of potato. This, it now appears, they are doing strictly out of spite.

Apparently Yukon Gold potatoes have never liked Russet Burbanks and have taken advantage of a weakness long known to exist in the RB's DNA in order to foist some old cancer cells that they had lying around onto the unsupecting delicious baking potatoes. This has resulted in a fairly nasty public relations battle between the two types of potatoes.

CAA, which represents the Yukon Golds, has, to this point, refused comment but a spokesman for the William Morris Agency, which represents both russets and, surprisingly, yams, stated "This is clearly an underhanded attempt on the part of foreign-based yellow potatoes to supplant the popularity of the good old American red ones. The public won't fall for it."

Ms. Joletter, stunning in a grey off the shoulder knit number by Bill Blass, smiled and said she was staying out of it and she certainly seemed to be.

(PNS)