If you've been paying attention at all you've probably noticed that the world is populated (in the human sense) primarily by a fairly low class of morons. These people (none of us are of course included in this classification) think mostly (and sometimes exclusively) of themselves, their needs, wants, desires, comfort and convenience. When they are not thinking of these things they are thinking about how other people have been terribly unfair in impeding their easy access to these things.
These folks would have no compunction about running you over in their car if you happened to be in the way. The nicest of them might swerve to miss you but only if they could pull it off without spilling their latte.
Yes, Hugh, I hear you saying - I know this. I am intimately acquainted with these people. They are my neighbours, my fellow students, my co-workers, my employers, my girlfriend/boyfriend/life partner/spouse, and the guy at the next table but so? There's no end to them. They are ubiquitous. And they always have been. Horace, for one, was complaining about them two thousand years ago. The Chinese have them. Western Samoa and Turkmenistan are full of them. What, exactly, are we supposed to do?
Well my children, many years ago a very wise man came upon a solution. That man's name was Brian Wilson. Yes that Brian Wilson. See, Old BW realised that if he didn't get out of bed he wouldn't have to deal with these chimps (sorry to all you Pan troglodytes for the slur). Pretty smart huh?
Ah bed! Think of the many hours of pleasure spent there. Okay, I meant by yourself. Okay, I didn't mean that either. Some of you people need to get your minds out of the gutter. AT ANY RATE - the bed can be a real fortress of solitude once you get set up properly. A few things are necessary. Let me tell you about my personal set up.
My bed is a fairly regular double bed but its many accessories are not what you would call "factory standard". I have a series of cup holders of different sizes (highball, coffee mug, teacup etc) mounted on one side and a suitable receptacle for getting rid of fluid (if you catch my drift) on the other. My TV sits at the end of the bed and I have an extensive library underneath it (the bed that is - underneath the TV is my collection of Tony Danza DVDs). Next to my cup holders is the holster for my reaching stick (something I would highly recommend for retrieving dropped snacks) and Dust Buster (for cleaning up crumbs). On a sort of rolly tray thingy I have a four gallon container of Vaseline (for bed sores!) and a series of bags containing crackers, chips and other delicious snack treats. I only have to get out of bed now for Number Two!
My biggest problem is this website. Because of the relative immaturity of the staff I occasionally have to get out of bed and come down to the office to sort things out. If I ever solve that problem I'll be homefree.
H.B.